If You Died

Dear Mama,

I have dreaded the thought of the day you would die since 1997 when I first wrote the title of this poem, “If you died.” I could not fathom the thought of knowing what would happen to me when I was a young boy growing up. I had a lot of questions, like:

Where do I go from here if you died and leave me tomorrow in this crazy world?

Who do I turn to when I have questions only you can answer?

Who will I depend on to continue living?

Who do I lean on when the waterfalls pore down my cheeks like rain falls?

Who will teach me to love?

Who will teach me to be compassionate and sincere?


There is no one else but you.

You have been my strength, my protector, my drive for living.

I don’t know anyone else who can fit your shoes.

How do I repay you for all that you have done for me?

How do I say thank you for the sacrifices you have made for me?


Back then the pain of losing you was so unbearable that I allowed my subconscious mind to write half of this poem and left it untouched for the next 19 years until now. There were many times I would glance at the title on my computer and I never wanted to open it up.

Over the years, I have come to appreciate and loved you for all the sacrifices you made for me. I never took it for granted all of your hard work and determination. Although you were stubborn at times as you got older. You made sure our needs were taken care of.

Mama, I did my very best to preserve and continue on with a part of the legacy you entrusted me with. But like Joseph, it was stolen from me.

Nevertheless I will never forget the wisdom shared by two of my friends, Dimitry you can build your own legacy. And many blessings come down when prayers go up. And like Michelle Obama once said, when they go low, you go high. For those words, I thank you!

God I know you know who you have taken up to heaven, a righteous woman who was a prayer warrior. Because in due time God will you make it right.

As your life was coming to an end, one would have never guess that it would end unjustly the way it did. You truly had a hard life, one that was never easy to begin with. I know you would have never made it through it all if it wasn’t for the Lord. It is the one true gift you have passed on to me in my darkest days. For I too would have never made it through these last four months without God and my wife.

In hindsight, It is sad that such a beautiful Godly woman that was loved by all who knew her would have her life cut short by those that claimed that they loved you and had your best interest at heart.

As we say goodbye to you one last time, your foot print on this earth was felt by all who knew you and loved you. You can see by the crowd today that you are surrounded by your family in Boston that have cherished your presence, your smile, your sweet embrace for 68 years. We will miss you deeply.


Thank you for being my rock through my adolescence.

Thank you for holding on until I found Suzanne

So that you can pass on the torch to her.

For she will forever be my staff who strengthens me.




© 10/26/2016

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2 comments on “If You Died
  1. Gayle says:

    Frederique, I salute you on a powerfully deep write.

    Your sister in arms, Lady Silk

  2. Jo Val says:

    Very touching and emotional poem for your mother. Well said. Thank you for sharing!